I am just a mom.

Our little babe is almost 8 months old and in the 6 months he's been home with us, we have dealt with all sorts of things new parents deal with--crying for reasons we can't figure out, forgetting the formula at home when we just got to the restaurant and have a hungry baby, guilty calls to the pediatrician because his eczema got worse than it should have...And while we haven’t been flat-out judged, we have definitely gotten the attempting-to-be-helpful-but-feels-like-condescension questions/comments. "Have you tried rocking or feeding him when he's crying?" (No, Janice, I just click my heels together 3 times and say "There's no place like not crying.") "Oh, you aren't breastfeeding?" (No, Janice, not that it's any of your business, but he's adopted, so I'm not breastfeeding.) "Oh wow, that rash looks bad; I have an essential oil that would clear that right up." (Actually, Janice, rubbing sandpaper all over his body is the route we've decided on.)

We’ve also got to experience some super awesome things —putting himself to sleep at night, loving to “read” books, doing developmentally appropriate things for his age, despite being born at 32 weeks and resuscitated by EMTs after birth...And while we haven't had flat-out "my-kid-is-better-than-yours" statements, we've definitely gotten the attempting-to-be-your-buddy-but-feels-like-competition statements. “That’s so great; mine put themselves to sleep at 3 months because we followed this strict sleeping schedule.” “My baby started showing an interest in books early too and said her first word before she was a year old.” “Wow, mine was a premie too, but you couldn’t tell because he was rolling over before his actual age milestone.”

Snarkiness aside, I know we are (mostly) only saying these things out of a genuine desire to help the Sisterhood of the Mothering Babe out, but I've recently found myself wishing that instead of advice or what worked for your little, we would come alongside each other and just give a "you've got this" smile or "wow, that sounds amazing" response. I don't want a solution for my pain or a comparison in my joy; I just want to be heard. And if we do want an idea or outside input, I hope we are honest and brave and humble enough with ourselves and each other to ask.

I used to feel this way about the church as well. I went in just wanting the body to hear the wrestling and celebration of my heart and instead got "should-ed" on all over. “You should relax and then you'll get pregnant.” “You should share that victory at Women’s Retreat.” “You should just pray about it.” But our current church is heeding Jesus' invitation to be with one another; not necessarily to solve a problem or figure out who is going to sit at Jesus' right hand, but just to be.

In Scripture, how often does Jesus extend this request?

To abide.

To dwell.

To remain.

He stops Martha from her busyness and tells her that Mary has chosen the better way. He pleads with his disciples to be present with him over and over again, even on the eve of his crucifixion. And the last words he leaves as he ascends back to heaven are those of being with us always.

We talk about what it means to live out the gospel, how to be the hands and feet of Jesus to our church and our neighbors through doing something and miss the calling of just being with one another. Jesus asks us to dwell in the uncomfortable, unfamiliar messiness that is the juxtaposition of utter lost-ness and rocking it with one another. I don’t have the magic bullet for why or when or how long. And honestly, I don’t want an answer or story of how you overcame or top ten list of what I should do. I just want to know that I am not in this thing alone. That there are others accompanying and abiding with me and Jesus and living into the relationship that he is continually inviting us into. Praise God for the gift of his Holy Spirit who is with us, enabling us to follow the narrow path.

To my Sisterhood of the Mothering Babe: Yes, it seems impossible to parent on some days and on others we earn the Mom-of-the-Year award. And we go in between the two like a kid who just got the training wheels off her bike. Don't lose hope; we were not meant to go it alone. If you have nothing else, you have this community of moms here resting beside, walking alongside, abiding with, in whatever way you have the strength and courage to ask of us.

To my Sister- and Brotherhood of the church: Yes, it seems impossible to follow Jesus fully on some days and on others we earn the Disciple-of-the-Year award. And we go in between like a kid who just got the training wheels off her bike. Don't lose hope; we were not meant to go it alone. The Holy Spirit is the one who gives us the ability to be followers of this Savior who calls us to be present with one another.

And I'll do my best to not be Janice.