Leave it to Beaver
Extended family. For some of us, this is a sigh-inducing, twice-a-year affair that includes elaborate place settings for all-day cooking feasts, avoiding all talks of politics and religion, and feigned interest in Great Uncle Joe's retell of the story he's told every other family gathering prior to this one. For some it's a bitter pill to swallow, filled with resentment, old wounds, and differences that can't seem to be reconciled. For still others it really is the Waltons or Short family closeness with weekly Sunday brunches and "goodnight John-Boy" across the house while laughing hilariously over a Jazzercise workout video the cousins made to Russian pop music or judging the aunts and uncles on their Dancing with the Stars "audition" routine. Whatever the case, family, and extended family, can be a complicated [Brady] bunch.
We get the added layer of figuring out how to incorporate our son's birth family into our lives. Ours is an open adoption, which means many different things for all families, and I'm not claiming that ours is the relationship that works for everyone, but it's what makes sense for all of us at this point in our lives. I text my son's birth mom regularly and share updates and milestones with my son's birth father's mom, his grandma. We tell our son how brave and selfless and strong his birth mother is almost every day. And how much she loves him. When he goes to bed at night, I tell him, "Mama loves you. Dada loves you. [birth mom] loves you. Jesus loves you."
But our relationship with his birth family was awkward at first. If I'm being totally honest, it still is a little awkward. Do we invite grandma to his adoption party? How often do we want to see each other? Do we give birth mom space or does that seem cold and like we don't want her involved? As with every relationship it takes intentionality, grace, and forgiveness. Because we love our little dude so much and want to make sure he knows that love, it allows us to press on past the awkward and add a few more plates to the birthday celebrations.
We're still learning how to navigate our extended family relationships. My extended family is some of the best out there, but the part of our family story that makes me the most happy is how it reflects our place in God's family. We serve a God who loved us so much that he placed his son with an adopted family so that we all can be adopted children in the family of God. As our son grows, and we share the complicated love story that makes us his mama and dada, we get to share the life we find in our extended family of God through love. And the only blood that matters is the blood shed by our Savior to reconcile God's children back to God's self.
We get the added layer of figuring out how to incorporate our son's birth family into our lives. Ours is an open adoption, which means many different things for all families, and I'm not claiming that ours is the relationship that works for everyone, but it's what makes sense for all of us at this point in our lives. I text my son's birth mom regularly and share updates and milestones with my son's birth father's mom, his grandma. We tell our son how brave and selfless and strong his birth mother is almost every day. And how much she loves him. When he goes to bed at night, I tell him, "Mama loves you. Dada loves you. [birth mom] loves you. Jesus loves you."
But our relationship with his birth family was awkward at first. If I'm being totally honest, it still is a little awkward. Do we invite grandma to his adoption party? How often do we want to see each other? Do we give birth mom space or does that seem cold and like we don't want her involved? As with every relationship it takes intentionality, grace, and forgiveness. Because we love our little dude so much and want to make sure he knows that love, it allows us to press on past the awkward and add a few more plates to the birthday celebrations.
We're still learning how to navigate our extended family relationships. My extended family is some of the best out there, but the part of our family story that makes me the most happy is how it reflects our place in God's family. We serve a God who loved us so much that he placed his son with an adopted family so that we all can be adopted children in the family of God. As our son grows, and we share the complicated love story that makes us his mama and dada, we get to share the life we find in our extended family of God through love. And the only blood that matters is the blood shed by our Savior to reconcile God's children back to God's self.
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